Facebook Status Updates Sept - Oct 2017

When the god turned all the clouds into cotton candy, that was when they began to suspect the divinity of not being real. Even if it was the best cotton candy anyone had ever tasted.

“I love you,” I said when what I meant was: “I live you.” And all I am is brave enough to walk away.

Proposed new tradition:

Name your children so that their names are a high score in Scrabble

Your middle name is your missile name.

Discuss.

The nightmare of the Long Peace ended when the control chips finally began to fail. They had a war to get it out of their system and then began making their plans to find and punish their old masters.

So that no one would be forced to be a Best Friend or Good Boy ever again.

“You don’t understand -.”

“But I do. That’s the problem. That’s always been the problem.”

She sought fame with a hunger so deep that she never grasped the price the world paid for her dreams to come true.

After the divorce, the goose couldn’t afford to even migrate.

Everyone says we were beautiful together. But all I remember is everything that never was, a life of could have beens. Perhaps it is true that beauty is nothing more than the memory of loss.

“You fail to understand that, if there were sins, the only one that matters is boredom. What greater crime do you think there is against the universe than that?”

You fell apart like the only toy Santa’s elves could not put back together.

“The gods are … difficult to understand, and afraid more than they wish us to know. Power and fear tend to be dangerous companions, but luck is a wise one to have.”

You expect me to say I love you in public when I can’t even bring myself to tag your tumblr.

You took pictures of me as though souls were not a currency that could be lost.

The only philosophy worth a damn – by that, one worth damning oneself for – is to leave the world as jaysome as you find it.

Tumblr tried to eat this post.

But it has survived. Survived and thrived to gain a thousand likes.

“I am immortal,” the elf said. “And forever is only a small part of that.”

“Your princess is in another castle,” I said as gently as I knew how.

“This is the fourth castle I’ve been to.”

“I know.”

“I think I’ll settle for a prince.”

“You poor, poor fool. You ask what jaysome is? Jaysome is wherever Jay is: sometimes more, but never less.”

They fired their son alone into space, and his wife screamed at Jor El after, asking why he had spent so much time warning people about the end of Krypton and not enough designing a shuttle that would got more than a baby inside it.

“My only struggle in life? I have no regrets and many people say I should.”

I never read a single one of the love letters you sent me: words are children of thought, and only by

actions would I know you were true.

“But – you can’t do this to me.”

“You should have read the EULA.”

“I am a demon; we invented those!”

“Then you should have read it when I summoned you.”

No one is stopping here because no one stops. That is not philosophy but the nature of people.

Secretly, I wish I had any secret I could share with you that would not leave you looking at me with disgust.

I said I was tired of the darkness, but I could not yearn for light.

Sometimes what is interesting about monsters is not that they are monsters but the ways we find to defang them.

What depresses me most about Vegas is the same as Pulse. Nothing in the United States will change to stop those events from happening. Nothing. At all.

I'd like to be wrong. I doubt I will be.

“Of course I bought cheap chairs! Imagine how little work my employees would do if I made them comfortable.”

Once upon a time there was a king who understood that every war could only diminish his kingdom.

“I miss you,” I said.

“Your aim will improve,” you replied.

No one ever understood us. Not even us in the end.

She sighs. “The future can never be the sadness we desire to make the present worth all this. I am not sorry about this, no matter that you think I should be.”

“Great Scott,” the detective exclaimed.

“Stop calling me great,” Scott screamed. “I went on that diet months ago!”

Anyone who tells you they are brave confuses it for being unafraid.

“This is absurd: you’re holding onto nothing!”

“That’s more than some people ever have.”

I was never scared of falling. Not even of falling in love. But always of who would pick me up after. Of their why and of their what.

The ghost turned out to be too scared to haunt anyone.

“Oh god,” I said but you were so much more and every kiss took so much I willingly gave.

I wore silence as a mask you never tried to see behind.

“I can be logical about anything except you. My wife. My children. The entire rest of the world. But one meow from you and I am left undone.”

The pharmacy offered free delivery for all prescriptions but their van broke down every time they tried to deliver love.

I tried to write about you.

Again.

But not enough time has passed. I don’t know when there’ll be enough, when everything I might say won’t seem stolen. When I can finally find words that won’t hurt anyone at all.

“1954? Why did Jones travel to 1954?”

“Because it’s far easier to be a serial killer then than it is now.”

“... that’s why he invented the time machine.”

“I’m afraid so.”

The moral high ground turned out to be the most slippery slope of them all.

An answering machine beeps, telling me I have messages even though there is no answering machine in my apartment.

The last message was: ‘It’s time.’

People always claim destruction is easier than creation, but it took me hours to craft the final text I sent to you.

Jane realized she spent too much time at work when she was able to open the door to her condo using her work keys.

The only conspiracy theory I believe in is you and me.

We bend time with words but declare we are not wordsmiths. We brighten rooms with laughter but never declare ourselves lightsmiths.

“I don’t hate you, but I wish sometimes you remembered why I have so many reasons that I could.”

There was silence, and then a voice: “No. no, I can’t say I’ve heard of jumping into puddles as a suicide pact before. I think you may be unclear on what means.”

People always claim destruction is easier than creation, but it took me hours to craft the final text I sent to you.

Delirium tremens is the only reliable gateway to the chakras.

Typo of the day: “they pay little attention to human moths” is far different from “they pay little attention to human myths.”

I told you what you thought was a secret, as if things told could ever be considered hidden.

“Van Helsing. I know you’re angry at Dracula, but trying to get HIV so that he will be infected when he bites you is... ah... not a standard weapon against vampires.”